Currently showing posts tagged help

  • 5 Keys to Fighting Fair in Your Marriage

    5 Keys to Fighting Fair in Your Marriage
    In marriage, like champion boxers, you have to approach the fight the right way. Here are some keys to a clean fight so that you both come out alive.
    • Listen Lovingly. Don't be so defensive about everything. When you listen lovingly you actually listen for what they are saying and how they are feeling and not just setting yourself up for the counter punch argument to why you are right and they are wrong. Getting to the root understanding of how your spouse is feeling is essential in fighting forward.
    • Timing and Tone are Vital: Sometimes as a spouse you feel like you have to bob and weave to say the right thing at the right time and in just the right way. It is easy for this marital duty to feel like a chore, the burden of a needy spouse, but it is important we see it differently. We must view this for what it is in the truest sense, not as we might in the moments of stress, exhaustion or anger. Our sensitivity to time and tone is another way we serve our spouse for who and where they are, not who and where we wish they were. 
    • Stay Focused: one of the most common reasons couples end up fighting about the same thing over and over again is a lack of focus in their arguments. The fight starts about the dishes, jumps to the laundry, hops over to money for a terrible turn, hobbles down the hall of the past and then both parties collapse on the living room floor, writhing in anger, pain and frustration for another fight that only set us further back. Fight with purpose. Fight forward. Argue to get somewhere and to learn something that you didn't know before. It's difficult in the heat of the moment but try to stay focused on one topic and work to come to a resolution on it. 
    • No Low Blows: No one can hurt us more than those that know us best. Make up your mind to never go there. Never take a shot in their place of vulnerability. The insecurity that has led them to depression and shame. The failures of their past that only you know about. Anger and pride will attempt to convince us to hit them in the area that we know will bring them to their knees. You will forget what you argued over but neither of you will forget the time you crossed the line. The closer we are to someone, the deeper the words cut. 
    • Fight in the same direction.  Couples that argue regularly forget that they are on the same team. The love of their life  turns into a bitter rival. When you fight in the same direction you both strive for peace. Blessed are the peacemakers. Celebrate their success and mourn in their pain with them. We win as a team. We lose as a team. 
  • Finishing

    I grew up in love with the game of basketball. I was the short white kid who couldn't shoot. Doesn't sound like these hoop dreams are headed for success right? Well regardless of what my future held playing the game, I loved it. I still do. I spent hours every night as a kid and teen playing on any court I could find. I was a natural passer, ball handler, defender and leader; a classic point guard. As I developed my weaker areas like shooting and rebounding, there was one hurdle I couldn't get over...finishing. I would use incredible technique dribbling (I mean, And1 baller wanna be at its best) and making it to the basket only to watch the ball clank off the rim one more time. I couldn't finish. It was the death of me. Everything was perfect until the ball didn't go in. I soon found out this flaw was wrapped up in much more than basketball.

    As a creative I find myself surrounded by people a lot like me. People who have big dreams, big opinions, a good heart and an inability to finish. So what must the creative develop in order to finish projects, pieces, and dreams?

    3 Keys for the Creative Person to be a Productive Person

      1. A hatred for unfinished projects and a passion for follow thru. Nothing changes unless something changes. This mindset=step one. 

      2. A "get it done right now" attitude. I don't believe myself when I say I'll do it tomorrow. Half of what gets done every day doesn't make it to the to do list.

      3. An intense system for life organization. The only reason I'm effective at anything is that I organize and track projects. I have to follow up on myself because I usually don't finish tasks like I want to. I'm not near as good as I think I am. This is quality control for my life.

    Here's the amazing news- finishing feels great. I've learned to finish now. Still probably can't on the court, but in life, when it matters, I do. The idea of rolling the boulder 75% up the hill every day only to let it roll back down again is the epitome of frustration, self doubt, and hopelessness. So here's to finishing. Here's to success and realized dreams.
    Let's go finish something!